10/29/2012 Update:
I was remembering that in 2010, I stayed for a month, in a
house with a gay couple, Don and Jan. I remember how Jan used to treat Don.
They had problems, but Don was nearly deaf, and wore hearing aids in both ears.
They were both a bit strange, but don’t we all have our eccentricities? I gave
them rent, but Don ended up buying tattoos with it, and then they kicked me out
before the month was over. I moved back into the foreclosed house, but then had
to move into the tent behind my neighbor’s house. In 2011, I got a call from
Jan that Don got hit by a car, outside of a bar, and was killed. It was a hit
and run. The reason I mention this is because the way Jan treated Don reminds
me of the way Jerome would sometimes treat me. It would often seem that there was
a serious lack in logic. Jan would continually say he asked Don to do
something, but after Don would do it, he would say that it wasn’t what he asked
for, and would then get really angry. Then they would fight. It reminds of when
Jerome threw me on the floor 3 times and then used my cell phone to call the
cops on me. It is like they were doing some sort of PSYOPS. They would behave
in unreasonable ways and then blame us.
It seems to me, especially lately, that those who have
sincere feelings are the ones who end up being targets for hurtful people, or
those who just don’t care.
I am so sad that my mother is no longer alive. I wish I
could talk to her about what happened to me. I do not know if she knew about
her own tarot archetype and how closely it related to her, although I am 99.9%
positive that she did not. The Emperor card related so closely to her life that
when I saw the symbols on it, I could not deny that they represented various
people who played significant roles in her life. It was when I saw that card; I
knew that a large measure of freewill has been stolen from human beings via the
graven images of the tarot.
Is it possible that her behavior towards me was a direct
result of this card, in combination with her name, once married, being Taylor,
Nay Gaeta? Is her name why she was so negative to both me and my brother when
we were children?
Is this the work of
God, through the printing and repetition of the “graven images” from the tarot
& astrology, to infect the collective consciousness in the form of memes, or
is it some nefarious agency that had the ruin of souls as its goal? I certainly
do not want to believe it is God. One thing is for sure: what happened in my
life is a direct result of the curse of the 12th trump (reversal),
or is at least a manifestation of the reversed nature of that card. I didn’t
deserve it when I was born, and I don’t deserve what has been happening to me
over the past four years.
When my mother died, I was living in that foreclosed house
with no power, water, or garbage. I was collecting rain water just to be able
to flush the toilet and bathe myself. I couldn’t even go to visit her when I
wanted to. I got to see her in the extended-care facility one time. I was able
to provide her one service of swabbing her dry mouth with a moisturizer before
she died. It was the last time I saw her. I never wanted her to die.
If I could talk to her right now, I would alert her to the
following: We have no freewill. That, because of our double digit birthdates,
she and I were meta vibrations of certain numbers that are displayed in the
tarot, and that we are either cursed or blessed by these images. My father, who
supported her completely after their divorce, until she died, is represented by
the aries on the left side of the card. The “ghostly” aries, on the right side
of the card, represents her mother, who died about 20 years before she did.
Both of these people were aries. On either side of the figure is a ball
containing an 8-pointed star, which represents my brother and my cousin, who
were both born in August. My mother was an avid, trophy winning bowler, and her
last initial was a T, represented by the ball with the cross on it, as well as
the figure Tzaddi, at the bottom of the card. I am possibly represented by the
lamb at her feet. The fleur-de-lis beneath the lamb could represent my best
friend, because her birthdate was 6/6. My mother had the power to get whatever
she needed in her life. She even had an ex-boyfriend pay for her Cadillac, even
though they were no longer together. I no longer blame her for my upbringing;
rather, I just cite those circumstances (a 12 being raised by a 4) as a partial
cause of my own misbehavior and sadness.
I beg that if there is a God in this Universe, for Him to
see the truth of what happened to me. I beg Him for mercy. I beg Him to see
that the moment those implants were put into my head, my freewill was stolen
from me. I beg for Him to put an end to the torture I am experiencing, knowing
that I have been living under this occult tarot curse throughout my life, on
top of the fact that my mind was being influenced by these implants, and that I
have been unaware of these things until 2008. If God is the God of the Bible,
who, according to the bible, loves truth and gave human beings freewill, then I
must believe that this God will see what was done to me against my will, as a
little child. I must believe that this God will see how this curse tied to my
birthday forced me to live in a backwards way, and began to manifest when I was
made to be right-handed against my God-given, natural inclination to be left,
when the girl teaching me to write told me that it would be evil to be
left-handed. I beg that God to see that it was my sincere desire to be good,
but that forcing me to be right-handed changed my balance somehow, causing me
to not be able to live up to my original potential. I wasn’t that bad, in
comparison to many people out there, but I did some bad things in my youth and
early adulthood. Knowing about how
strokes affect people shows me that changing someone’s natural handedness can
have untold negative effects on someone’s life.
For more information on archetypal transference, see: http://programmedbyarchetypes.blogspot.com/2012/09/as-above-so-below-are-we-programmed-by.html
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